Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
