I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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