oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
