After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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