My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
