Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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