walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
