Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
