my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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