You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
