For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
