3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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