is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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