Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
