just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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