i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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