the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
