Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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