Yo dont text me then not text me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
