hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
