I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
