she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
