i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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