And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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