how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
be right there i have to get my cape
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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