Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
