So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
