Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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