margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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