Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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