I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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