Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize