her vagine was all disorganized.
too bad you live with your parents still
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
