Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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