home. puking in laundry basket.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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