where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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