Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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