Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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