In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
