I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
