the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
