There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
