I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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