my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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