so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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