So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
