Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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