Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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