guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
drinking out of a sandbucket again
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
