I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
