seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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