White coat. Heels.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
