I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
