one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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