am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
that may or may not have been my penis.
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