I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
