your parents love me but you hate me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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