hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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