My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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