Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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