I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
