Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
