So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize