New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
