Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
