so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
