he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
