I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
