i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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