Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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