my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
