Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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