I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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