I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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