meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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