Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
