I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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