so that wasnt chicken after all
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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