captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
